How to Start Letting Go of Other People’s Opinion of You

by Birch Cooper, LMHC

Based on material previously posted by Birch Cooper, LMHC

Whether we like it or not, we are to some extent affected by the opinion's others have of us. The environment, the depth of our relationship or the potential for the person to have a positive or negative impact on our lives may impact how much we value their opinion. At times we internalize these opinions and either through learning or unconscious assimilation they become part of how we view ourselves.

For those who are easily affected by others' opinions of them or those who take negative evaluations to heart, I offer the following concepts. It is first, important to acknowledge that real, long-term change takes patience and practice. You may have been caught up in being liked and seeking validation or approval from others for a long time. Meaningful change rarely takes place overnight. However, below are some concepts and strategies that others have found helpful.

Acknowledge their impact:

Most of us know that we can’t control what other people think or feel. We do, however, have the capacity to shift our own thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. In turn, we have some control over the impact the opinions of others have on the way we see ourselves. Acknowledging their current impact on you is an important step that can be followed by making a conscious choice to create some distance by letting go of their opinions.

Visualize the separation: 

Visualizations can help, for example, imagining physical space between you and a physical manifestation of someone’s opinion of you. A similar but more concrete method would be to imagine that someone’s negative opinion of you has been written on note cards. Feel the difference between visualizing them like a sign on your back versus letting go of them one by one into a wastebasket.

Identify Exceptions:

Identifying exceptions can be a powerful reminder that not being too attached to someone’s opinion of you is possible. There is probably someone in your life whose opinion of you, you already do not care about. Taking time to reflect on what makes this person an exception can also yield helpful results.   

The Illusion of Opinions:

What others see in you is simply their opinion. The Oxford Languages dictionary (2025) defines opinion as: “a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.” The truth is, the opinions others hold of you are nothing but perception, filtered through their own experiences, expectations, or belief systems. Acknowledging that opinions are not facts can take some of the power out of them.

Be open to the concept of not being liked by everyone:

Acknowledging that most likely there is already a person or two who, for whatever reason, doesn’t like you can feel uncomfortable. It might be helpful to identify where in your body you feel that discomfort. Sitting with the discomfort for 3 to 5 minutes will help you start to habituate to it, but it is equally important to see what thoughts, fears, or memories come up when you sit with the feeling. Gaining insight about their source may help mitigate compensatory behaviors like avoidance or people-pleasing and provide motivation to find constructive alternatives.

Reflect on your opinion of yourself:

What others think of you does not define you. What you see in you and the way it informs your behavior will have the strongest influence over what others see in you. The regard that you have for yourself, or self-esteem is ideally based on your positive evaluation of yourself and is not completely swayed by the opinions of others. To help build this foundation I recommend identifying positive intrinsic qualities and reminding yourself of them at least twice daily. You don't even have to say them out loud, just intentionally bring them front of mind.

I hope the concept of letting go of the opinions of others or some of the strategies above are helpful. I will leave you with the quote below by actress Sheryl Lee Ralph.

"People don't have to like you, people don't have to love you, they don't even have to respect you, but when you look in the mirror, you better love what you see."